So I have officially not updated this in a while, things have been way busy! I thought about updating after I just felt my desk shake at work. I guess a 4.5 earthquake happened from Norman to Dallas, TX. That is a long way! It was so weird! I have never felt anything like that before! So crazy! A lady down the hall in my office even had a picture fall off of her wall! Weird huh? Thought that only happened in CA??
Well theres my update! More later! :)
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
Facing Fears
Lately I have been dealing with a lot of stress and fear about school. Trying to do projects and work on my portfolio is definately overwhelming. I have wanted to give up so many times and just say, nevermind I dont want to do it anymore, but I know that I have to. Being a teacher is something that I want to do with my life. I want to positively influence students lives with education and just with a positive attitude. So many kids and teens these days just need someone that is there to listen. I am going to be that person for my students. I cant wait to have my own classroom to teach and get to know my students. It is going to be a blast.
Along with my school fears, I have financial fears, relationship fears, a lot of fears that seem to sometimes consume me. Instead of allowing these fears to consume me I have to learn to allow Christ to consume me and give Him those fears and let Him take care of them. I try to do too many things myself instead of letting the God of this universe who knows EVERYTHING take care of me. Rediculous I know!
I read this verse the other day and I had to put it on here for all of you to read.
"Look at the nations and watch--and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told." Habakuk 1:5
God clearly is telling us here that he is going to do amazing things, things that we cannot even imagine. He tells us to specifically look at the nations and watch. To me, this doesnt mean to just sit from our comfortable pew and watch the nations, but to actually do something about it and watch how we can make a difference and watch how people's lives can be drastically changed. This would actually take a bit of courage, strength and confidence. Three things that I definately do not have a lot of.
Yesterday afternoon I got home from work and worked on some homework, then my friend Katrina came and told me we were going somewhere. I had no idea where we were going because she wouldnt tell me. When went to bricktown to an area by the Oklahoma River, where we rented two kayaks. I have never been kayakking in my life, i am terrified of water! I decided that instead of just sitting on the edge of the water and watch Katrina have all the fun I had to face my fear. I had to face my fear of water, mainly of falling in the water and drowning! I know, I had a life jacket on so not likely, but I was still scared! Part way through our adventure we were paddling under a huge bridge and i had to stop. I thought, why in the world am I always so afraid? The sun was bright in the sky and I thought about how God has always taken care of me, how He has always provided for me, yet I am still afraid and I still doubt. This may seem like such a small thing in life but to me it was huge. I left thinking how fun it was and thinking how stupid I was for being so afraid. Thank you Katrina for helping open my eyes and ears to what God was trying to tell me.
Katrina may not have known that the experience would help me, she didnt even know that I was afraid of water. Yet, she made me face my fears and do it anyway. I wonder why we arent able to do this on our own everyday? We walk by people, make eye contact with people, bump into people, sit by people in class, talking to people in the store, have people we text everyday--but we continue to ignore the fact that we have something to share with them. Why dont we? Because we are afraid. Fear can keep us from doing so many things. Fear has had a huge impact on my life, not just in little things but also in the big things. Do I think that I will automatically wake up tomorrow and never be afraid again because I realized this? No. But I have finally understand how important it is that we trust God and not allow doubt to keep us from being the people that we need to be. There are so many people out there that will never ever hear the name of Christ and will die wondering what if someone had just stopped long enough to say something. Thats us! We have to put our fear aside and actually say something.
God is so amazing and so beautiful. If you dont believe that then just sit outside tonight when the sun goes down and then let me know if you still feel the same. He has done so much for us. We should let go of our doubts and fears and give others the hope that we insist on taking for granted...
Along with my school fears, I have financial fears, relationship fears, a lot of fears that seem to sometimes consume me. Instead of allowing these fears to consume me I have to learn to allow Christ to consume me and give Him those fears and let Him take care of them. I try to do too many things myself instead of letting the God of this universe who knows EVERYTHING take care of me. Rediculous I know!
I read this verse the other day and I had to put it on here for all of you to read.
"Look at the nations and watch--and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told." Habakuk 1:5
God clearly is telling us here that he is going to do amazing things, things that we cannot even imagine. He tells us to specifically look at the nations and watch. To me, this doesnt mean to just sit from our comfortable pew and watch the nations, but to actually do something about it and watch how we can make a difference and watch how people's lives can be drastically changed. This would actually take a bit of courage, strength and confidence. Three things that I definately do not have a lot of.
Yesterday afternoon I got home from work and worked on some homework, then my friend Katrina came and told me we were going somewhere. I had no idea where we were going because she wouldnt tell me. When went to bricktown to an area by the Oklahoma River, where we rented two kayaks. I have never been kayakking in my life, i am terrified of water! I decided that instead of just sitting on the edge of the water and watch Katrina have all the fun I had to face my fear. I had to face my fear of water, mainly of falling in the water and drowning! I know, I had a life jacket on so not likely, but I was still scared! Part way through our adventure we were paddling under a huge bridge and i had to stop. I thought, why in the world am I always so afraid? The sun was bright in the sky and I thought about how God has always taken care of me, how He has always provided for me, yet I am still afraid and I still doubt. This may seem like such a small thing in life but to me it was huge. I left thinking how fun it was and thinking how stupid I was for being so afraid. Thank you Katrina for helping open my eyes and ears to what God was trying to tell me.
Katrina may not have known that the experience would help me, she didnt even know that I was afraid of water. Yet, she made me face my fears and do it anyway. I wonder why we arent able to do this on our own everyday? We walk by people, make eye contact with people, bump into people, sit by people in class, talking to people in the store, have people we text everyday--but we continue to ignore the fact that we have something to share with them. Why dont we? Because we are afraid. Fear can keep us from doing so many things. Fear has had a huge impact on my life, not just in little things but also in the big things. Do I think that I will automatically wake up tomorrow and never be afraid again because I realized this? No. But I have finally understand how important it is that we trust God and not allow doubt to keep us from being the people that we need to be. There are so many people out there that will never ever hear the name of Christ and will die wondering what if someone had just stopped long enough to say something. Thats us! We have to put our fear aside and actually say something.
God is so amazing and so beautiful. If you dont believe that then just sit outside tonight when the sun goes down and then let me know if you still feel the same. He has done so much for us. We should let go of our doubts and fears and give others the hope that we insist on taking for granted...
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Labor Day Weekend
My weekend was filled with wedding dress shopping, looking for wedding flowers, trying on bridesmaid dresses, hanging out with some of my youth girls, and not much sleep :)
My sister finally found her dress and she is so excited to have it! She looks beautiful in it!
I spend some time with some of my youth girls eating pizza, watching movies, throwing whip cream and laughing! It was really fun to have that time with them!
Monday i spent time with my mom and sisters and Karla. We tried on more bridesmaid dresses, looked at flowers and looked at shoes. Jessie officially picked up her wedding dress, found the shoes that she wants to order and picked out the flower combos she wants to use!
Monday evening I got to ride a bike for the first time in forever!! It was SO fun! KJ came and got me and we had best friend time! We went to ride bikes at Lake Hefner and ate at the mexican restaurant, it was so good! I love the lake and it was nice to get some exercise and spend time just talking with a friend! I havent had that much fun in a long time!
Life has really taken a turn for me. A lot on my mind and my heart about missions right now. Sunday I took the step of faith to committ my life to missions. I am not sure what this will be or where I will be, I am just being willing. Being willing is definately difficult for me. I have this pretty plan of what I want for my life and how I want my life to be so changing that is hard for me. I still havea passion for youth and want to work with them, but i feel missions is a big place for me right now. My heart is really in taking the time to reach others for Christ, wherever that may lead me. It is definately scary but I know by trusting Christ it will be worth it. From the words of Britt Nicole "I know that He is for me".
My sister finally found her dress and she is so excited to have it! She looks beautiful in it!
I spend some time with some of my youth girls eating pizza, watching movies, throwing whip cream and laughing! It was really fun to have that time with them!
Monday i spent time with my mom and sisters and Karla. We tried on more bridesmaid dresses, looked at flowers and looked at shoes. Jessie officially picked up her wedding dress, found the shoes that she wants to order and picked out the flower combos she wants to use!
Monday evening I got to ride a bike for the first time in forever!! It was SO fun! KJ came and got me and we had best friend time! We went to ride bikes at Lake Hefner and ate at the mexican restaurant, it was so good! I love the lake and it was nice to get some exercise and spend time just talking with a friend! I havent had that much fun in a long time!
Life has really taken a turn for me. A lot on my mind and my heart about missions right now. Sunday I took the step of faith to committ my life to missions. I am not sure what this will be or where I will be, I am just being willing. Being willing is definately difficult for me. I have this pretty plan of what I want for my life and how I want my life to be so changing that is hard for me. I still havea passion for youth and want to work with them, but i feel missions is a big place for me right now. My heart is really in taking the time to reach others for Christ, wherever that may lead me. It is definately scary but I know by trusting Christ it will be worth it. From the words of Britt Nicole "I know that He is for me".
Sunday, September 5, 2010
A Call To Missions
Well today was an interesting, intimidating day for me. I have been praying for the last few weeks about feeling a car to missions. It has been hard for me, it has been something that i have been running from. It is intimidating to just completely allow God to have my future. It scares me so bad, but i know that this is the best thing for me to do. My biggest fear is no lie, airplanes. :) My other fears are not important because God will provide. God will take care of me and He knows what is best. The hardest part for me has been letting go and being willing. That is a word that is not so good for me. I have to be willing to listen and willing to go. No matter how hard it is. I am praying for courage and strength. Those are the things that i need the most.
I really want to work with children around the world, helping them with their education and just giving them the hope of Christ. Not to mention a smile and a laugh! :)
Please keep me in your prayers as i let go of what i think my future looks like and allow God to give me the future He wants to give me.
I really want to work with children around the world, helping them with their education and just giving them the hope of Christ. Not to mention a smile and a laugh! :)
Please keep me in your prayers as i let go of what i think my future looks like and allow God to give me the future He wants to give me.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Saying Yes To The Dress
Well i had an amazing day full of wedding stuff :)
We went to David's Bridal today to look at wedding dresses and to try on bridesmaid dresses. It was actually pretty fun! Our consultant helped us pick out different kinds of dresses. Jessie looked through magazines until she could find her favorite dresses and she brought them in. We each got our own room, and there were mirrors everywhere. Not my favorite thing! :)
Watching my sister didnt feel real at all...I am so excited for her. I actually held it together and didnt cry while i watched her try on the beautiful gowns. She is going to look absolutely beautiful on her wedding day! I cant wait!
Watching her try on the dresses was like the show "Say Yes To The Dress". If you have never seen that show, the girls try on wedding dresses, it is way fun to watch. At David's Bridal when a girl finds her dress they ring a big bell and everyone cheers. So cool! There was a girl next to us that found her dress and she was so excited. Seeing the look on her face was priceless!
Wedding planning may be a bit stressful, but it is going to be a blast. Up to this point it has been nothing but fun!
I am blessed to have the family that i have that supports each other and loves each other. They mean the world to me. Even though i am older ;) i am so extremely happy for my sister and Kyler. They are definately meant to be together, God brought them together.
Saying Yes To A Dress is just the beginning...
We went to David's Bridal today to look at wedding dresses and to try on bridesmaid dresses. It was actually pretty fun! Our consultant helped us pick out different kinds of dresses. Jessie looked through magazines until she could find her favorite dresses and she brought them in. We each got our own room, and there were mirrors everywhere. Not my favorite thing! :)
Watching my sister didnt feel real at all...I am so excited for her. I actually held it together and didnt cry while i watched her try on the beautiful gowns. She is going to look absolutely beautiful on her wedding day! I cant wait!
Watching her try on the dresses was like the show "Say Yes To The Dress". If you have never seen that show, the girls try on wedding dresses, it is way fun to watch. At David's Bridal when a girl finds her dress they ring a big bell and everyone cheers. So cool! There was a girl next to us that found her dress and she was so excited. Seeing the look on her face was priceless!
Wedding planning may be a bit stressful, but it is going to be a blast. Up to this point it has been nothing but fun!
I am blessed to have the family that i have that supports each other and loves each other. They mean the world to me. Even though i am older ;) i am so extremely happy for my sister and Kyler. They are definately meant to be together, God brought them together.
Saying Yes To A Dress is just the beginning...
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
He is the I AM, i am the I AM NOT...
Life has been busy for me lately! Babysitting a lot, which i LOVE! My first classes this week, some will not be so bad, others are going to be A LOT of work! Finances, not one of my favorite things to think about. I still wish I had a money tree to solve those problems. After thinking about all of this i realized something...
How many times a day do I actually ask for God's help with these problems?
My answer- Not often enough.
Anyone that knows me very well knows that I like to be able to control the things in my life. Not in a crazy control freak kind of way, but i want to fix things myself and take care of things myself. When something stressful is happening and i cant change it i get so aggrivated. This can be a good and bad quality. Yet, i have recently realized that i cannot always fix everything. There is a reason for that, it is called trusting God. Before I can actually trust God I have to be willing to let go. Letting go is hard for me. Letting someone else be in control of my decisions, my choices, my steps and my life is hard. But i have got to let go and let God have control of those hard things in my life.
Lately i have been trying to fix everything the way that i want it and i have yet to actually ask God for help. Which is completely rediculous because he knows EVERYTHING and i know NOTHING. He is the I AM and i am the I AM NOT. We have to take the time to spend with God, let him know how we are feeling (even though he already knows) and allow Him to work the way that He needs to. We need to ask God to let His plan be carried out and for His doors to be opened where they need to be. His way, NOT ours.
How many times a day do I actually ask for God's help with these problems?
My answer- Not often enough.
Anyone that knows me very well knows that I like to be able to control the things in my life. Not in a crazy control freak kind of way, but i want to fix things myself and take care of things myself. When something stressful is happening and i cant change it i get so aggrivated. This can be a good and bad quality. Yet, i have recently realized that i cannot always fix everything. There is a reason for that, it is called trusting God. Before I can actually trust God I have to be willing to let go. Letting go is hard for me. Letting someone else be in control of my decisions, my choices, my steps and my life is hard. But i have got to let go and let God have control of those hard things in my life.
Lately i have been trying to fix everything the way that i want it and i have yet to actually ask God for help. Which is completely rediculous because he knows EVERYTHING and i know NOTHING. He is the I AM and i am the I AM NOT. We have to take the time to spend with God, let him know how we are feeling (even though he already knows) and allow Him to work the way that He needs to. We need to ask God to let His plan be carried out and for His doors to be opened where they need to be. His way, NOT ours.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Beautiful
I havent been having the best days lately. The "beautiful" feeling within myself has been hideing. I can talk all day about how important it is to focus on the inside, that the outside is not as important...but it is hard for me. I have always had to work really hard to look the way that I want. It has always been a struggle for me and a challenge for me. Trust me this is not easy to admit, anyone that knows me well know that i am extremely stubborn! :)
So lately i have been struggling with having the time to work out and stay in shape, along with loseing some weight before my sister's wedding. I want to be the most beautiful MOH ever! lol
Life gets so busy and i am either too tired to get up early or too exhausted after a long day of work that i dont want to work out. Once i get motivated i can rock it out working out, i LOVE it. It is just getting to that point where i am motivated and confident again.
I have been stressing about clothes fitting and not being the size that i want to be. I look in the mirror and think, no one could ever love me like this. But then my roomates look at me and say, you look so pretty. Yet, who do i listen to? Lets just say i dont listen to them. I have spent a lot of time in prayer lately that God would just break me to know that he made me just the way that i am for a reason. I dont want what i have shared with any of my youth girls or friends to be a disappointment. I want to be the best example that i can be. So i have began today with a new thought, i am not going to give up but i am not going to stress.
There have been too many days where i have thrown clothes all over my room stressing about what to wear to church to look good. Nothing ever fits right or looks right. I have shape, i am not round or a stick, i am just random. So it frustrates me! Again, i have learned to tell myself "God made you just the way that you are, you are beautiful" I need step away and realize that i am beautiful in His eyes and know that is all that matters. I should work hard, but be proud of myself and uphold myself with confidence because i am child of God. I have to basically and simply, practice what i preach to my girls every time i talk to them.
All of this made me think of a song that i have been listening to at work called "Beautiful" by Kari Jobe. Here are some of the lyrics:
"Here before your altar, i am letting go of all ive been.
Of every motive, every burden, every thing thats of myself.
I just wanna wait on you my Lord,
I just wanna dwell on who You are.
Beautiful, Beautiful, I am lost for words to say.
Beautiful, Beautiful, Oh Lord Your beautiful to me."
God is beautiful, He put us on this earth for a reason and gave us life and breath. Why in the world would i be so selfish to not appreciate who i am. yes i am allowed to work out and change my appearance to be healthy, but i should be thankful for who i am.
If there are any girls out there reading this i would propose the same thing to you. Dont be like me, frustrated and stressed and unhappy about the way you look. Be thankful God gave you the heart that you have and use it to reach those around you. It is so worth it.
Not to mention the fact that no one can love us until we learn to first love ourselves...
So lately i have been struggling with having the time to work out and stay in shape, along with loseing some weight before my sister's wedding. I want to be the most beautiful MOH ever! lol
Life gets so busy and i am either too tired to get up early or too exhausted after a long day of work that i dont want to work out. Once i get motivated i can rock it out working out, i LOVE it. It is just getting to that point where i am motivated and confident again.
I have been stressing about clothes fitting and not being the size that i want to be. I look in the mirror and think, no one could ever love me like this. But then my roomates look at me and say, you look so pretty. Yet, who do i listen to? Lets just say i dont listen to them. I have spent a lot of time in prayer lately that God would just break me to know that he made me just the way that i am for a reason. I dont want what i have shared with any of my youth girls or friends to be a disappointment. I want to be the best example that i can be. So i have began today with a new thought, i am not going to give up but i am not going to stress.
There have been too many days where i have thrown clothes all over my room stressing about what to wear to church to look good. Nothing ever fits right or looks right. I have shape, i am not round or a stick, i am just random. So it frustrates me! Again, i have learned to tell myself "God made you just the way that you are, you are beautiful" I need step away and realize that i am beautiful in His eyes and know that is all that matters. I should work hard, but be proud of myself and uphold myself with confidence because i am child of God. I have to basically and simply, practice what i preach to my girls every time i talk to them.
All of this made me think of a song that i have been listening to at work called "Beautiful" by Kari Jobe. Here are some of the lyrics:
"Here before your altar, i am letting go of all ive been.
Of every motive, every burden, every thing thats of myself.
I just wanna wait on you my Lord,
I just wanna dwell on who You are.
Beautiful, Beautiful, I am lost for words to say.
Beautiful, Beautiful, Oh Lord Your beautiful to me."
God is beautiful, He put us on this earth for a reason and gave us life and breath. Why in the world would i be so selfish to not appreciate who i am. yes i am allowed to work out and change my appearance to be healthy, but i should be thankful for who i am.
If there are any girls out there reading this i would propose the same thing to you. Dont be like me, frustrated and stressed and unhappy about the way you look. Be thankful God gave you the heart that you have and use it to reach those around you. It is so worth it.
Not to mention the fact that no one can love us until we learn to first love ourselves...
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