Beautiful

I havent been having the best days lately. The "beautiful" feeling within myself has been hideing. I can talk all day about how important it is to focus on the inside, that the outside is not as important...but it is hard for me. I have always had to work really hard to look the way that I want. It has always been a struggle for me and a challenge for me. Trust me this is not easy to admit, anyone that knows me well know that i am extremely stubborn! :)
So lately i have been struggling with having the time to work out and stay in shape, along with loseing some weight before my sister's wedding. I want to be the most beautiful MOH ever! lol
Life gets so busy and i am either too tired to get up early or too exhausted after a long day of work that i dont want to work out. Once i get motivated i can rock it out working out, i LOVE it. It is just getting to that point where i am motivated and confident again.

I have been stressing about clothes fitting and not being the size that i want to be. I look in the mirror and think, no one could ever love me like this. But then my roomates look at me and say, you look so pretty. Yet, who do i listen to? Lets just say i dont listen to them. I have spent a lot of time in prayer lately that God would just break me to know that he made me just the way that i am for a reason. I dont want what i have shared with any of my youth girls or friends to be a disappointment. I want to be the best example that i can be. So i have began today with a new thought, i am not going to give up but i am not going to stress.

There have been too many days where i have thrown clothes all over my room stressing about what to wear to church to look good. Nothing ever fits right or looks right. I have shape, i am not round or a stick, i am just random. So it frustrates me! Again, i have learned to tell myself "God made you just the way that you are, you are beautiful" I need step away and realize that i am beautiful in His eyes and know that is all that matters. I should work hard, but be proud of myself and uphold myself with confidence because i am child of God. I have to basically and simply, practice what i preach to my girls every time i talk to them.

All of this made me think of a song that i have been listening to at work called "Beautiful" by Kari Jobe. Here are some of the lyrics:

"Here before your altar, i am letting go of all ive been.
Of every motive, every burden, every thing thats of myself.
I just wanna wait on you my Lord,
I just wanna dwell on who You are.
Beautiful, Beautiful, I am lost for words to say.
Beautiful, Beautiful, Oh Lord Your beautiful to me."

God is beautiful, He put us on this earth for a reason and gave us life and breath. Why in the world would i be so selfish to not appreciate who i am. yes i am allowed to work out and change my appearance to be healthy, but i should be thankful for who i am.

If there are any girls out there reading this i would propose the same thing to you. Dont be like me, frustrated and stressed and unhappy about the way you look. Be thankful God gave you the heart that you have and use it to reach those around you. It is so worth it.
Not to mention the fact that no one can love us until we learn to first love ourselves...